Texas Professor Predicts Hysteria Ahead of Album Release

riotAUSTIN, Texas (AP) — Foreshadowing what could become the proverbial critical clean sweep, a leading musicology professor at the University of Texas has predicted waves of mass hysteria will converge upon the public in conjunction with the release of …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead’s newest album “The Century of Self”.

“It’s most certainly a return to form,” says Texas professor Albert Brown of Trail of Dead’s latest full-length effort. “I think once people actually hear the album and let the full scope of its life-altering aura sink in, there will be no stopping its momentum. Like ripples in a pond or plague throughout the middle ages, this thing will spread.” Brown recalls the worldwide hysteria surrounding the release of Trail of Dead’s major label debut “Source Tags and Codes” and the critical kowtow which followed. “In early 2002 this band could do no wrong. Critics were infatuated, fans were impassioned, and the music industry was brought to its knees. Everyone was expecting them to build on that momentum, follow-up immediately and with purpose, but they stalled as a collective unit. Nearly seven years and two vanilla albums later, these boys are poised to pick-up right where they left off. Mark my words: the dam will break on Tuesday.”

Brown explains his theory behind Trail of Dead’s re-emergence as a coalescence of positive reinforcement and the band’s return to tried and tested method. “This album is far more scientifically balanced than anything they’ve done recently. With their last two albums they alienated portions of their fanbase who weren’t looking for tame progressive drivel. They wanted a mixture of slow, heartfelt ballads and in your face, evil maniacal punk rock. It’s logical balance and counterbalance. From my point of view, the whole situation can be broken down into a simple mathematical formula. More Jason Reece equals greater success. His soothing Henry Rollins-esque vocals represent an insatiable beacon of allegorical fluorescent light, drawing in unsuspecting flies for the slaughter.”

“It’s really as easy as shooting fish in a barrel.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *